And now, a word about grit.

In last week's blog I wrote about the importance that self-confidence plays in success, and offered up the advice to "fake it" if necessary, since perception is reality.

But equally important is the ability to recover from failure and try again.  Sadly, one of the side effects of helicopter parenting and grade inflation is that people don't learn how to fail.  If they did, they would realize that it isn't the end of the world.

We are hard wired to dislike failing more than we like winning.  This makes us naturally risk adverse.  But, if you don't keep trying you won't ever succeed.  Research shows that it takes eight touches to make a sale, yet most people stop at two.  Here's a nifty graphic from Microsoft...

But it's also important to learn from your failures, since as Einstein pointed out (unless it's misattributed)," the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results."

That's probably why after he was rejected twice from USC, Steven Spielberg didn't give up on going to college, but instead decided to go to Cal State.  Pivoting seems to have worked out ok for him. ;-)

Beasley, L. (2013, October 10)  Why It Takes 7 - 13+ Touches to Deliver a Qualified Sales Lead.  onlinemarketinginstitute.org   Retrieved June 25, 2019, from

https://www.onlinemarketinginstitute.org/blog/2013/10/why-it-takes-7-to-13-touches-to-deliver-a-qualified-sales-lead-part1/

 

Fake it 'till you make it

Jason Gay of the Wall Street Journal wrote a wonderful graduation piece where he shared the secret that - "Nobody really knows what they're doing."

https://www.wsj.com/articles/graduates-are-you-ready-for-the-most-important-secret-in-the-whole-wide-world-11557480629

It made me smile.  It also made me think of the lyrics from The King and I song - "Whenever I feel afraid, I hold my head erect and whistle a happy tune so no one will suspect I'm afraid."

Hammerstein really got it.

Research shows that when it comes to success confidence appears to be what matters most.  Specifically Dale & Krueger's study on the value of elite education found that it doesn't matter if you went to an elite college.  What matters is that you had the confidence to apply to one. (Farrell, 2002)

It's all a mind game.  And it's up to you to choose your mindset.  Why not choose to be confident,  and keep whistling until you are?

http://www.metrolyrics.com/i-whistle-a-happy-tune-lyrics-the-king-and-i.html

Farrell, C. (2002, November) On the Payoff  to Attending an Elite College.  nber.com.  Retrieved June 18, 2019 , from  https://www.nber.org/digest/dec99/w7322.html

When the solution to burnout is more work.

Burnout has been in the news lately.  That's because the World Health Organization recently upgraded it from a "state" of exhaustion to "a syndrome" resulting from "chronic workplace stress." (Friedman, 2019)

I'm wondering why they included "workplace" in the definition since non-workplace stress can be equally debilitating and I find that stress is cumulative. 

But I was reminded of an article from last October that discussed stress among doctors, and mentioned that the doctors themselves thought more work might be the solution. (Mukherjee, 2018)

The idea is consistent with Viktor Frankl's book - "Man's Search for Meaning" and is based on the concept that what is burning people out is the daily grind of their jobs, which makes it difficult for them to find meaning in their work.  Paperwork, long hours, and lack of respect can suck the life out of anyone.  What they didn't mention was boredom. 

Yes.  That's sounds like an oxymoron.  How can someone be really busy but still bored?  It's easy.  Doing the same thing day in and day out is a soul crusher. 

So even though I was crazy busy at work, I was essentially unfulfilled.  The solution?  More work. 

Specifically giving me to a short time assignment on a pro bono account.  It provided both a change of pace from my routine duties and an opportunity to do some good.  I didn't mind at all that I was working additional hours. 

And yes.  It helped my burnout considerably. :-)

Friedman, R. (2019, June 3) Is Burnout Real?  nytimes.com  Retrieved June 11, 2019, from

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/03/opinion/burnout-stress.html?module=inline

Mukherjee, S. (2018, October 10)  For Doctors, Developing Deeper as a Way to Avoid Burnout.  nytimes.com.  Retrieved June 11, 2019, from  https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/10/magazine/for-doctors-delving-deeper-as-a-way-to-avoid-burnout.html

You're not the one who decides if you are a role model.

When Tiger Woods flamed out, my brother-in-law and I had a discussion about it.  At some point when we were talking he said: "But Tiger didn't ask to be a role model."  My reply - "The first time someone says to you 'I want to be just like you,' shame on you if it doesn't make you want to clean up your act."

That was a student who said that to me because they tend to be a bit more candid than subordinates. 

But I also recall a group lunch where one of my staff discussed the fact that I had taken only two cookies from the buffet table at the client meeting the day before.  She thought that was an appropriate amount and one of the reasons why I am thin.  But still.  I don't recall ever noticing what someone else took from a buffet table during a meeting.

And that's the point.  The people you encounter are watching you more than you think they are.  They are looking for leadership.  They are looking for behavioral cues.  They are looking to connect with you.  All the more so if they are younger.  The choice is not yours. 

The only choice you have is what kind of an example you want to set.