If you want to persuade people you need to connect with them first.

I was cleaning out my bookshelves the other day and came across my copy of "How to Win Friends and Influence People."  Written by Dale Carnegie in 1936, it is the true definition of a classic.  The ideas it shares are still true today, only now they are backed up by research.

In previous blogs I discussed how the primacy effect coupled with repetition can lead people to believe that fake news is true.  And that one way to combat the misperception is to create fear that the belief is harmful. (Lehrer, 2018)

But before you can do that, you first have to connect.  Because someone can't relate to you emotionally if they don't like you. 

Myers-Briggs tells us that ~60% of people care more about relationships than tasks.  And since even moderate "T's" care about relationships to some extent, it is safe to assume that "liking" is important to most people these days. (MBTI)

So what makes us like someone?  Robert Cialdini says: We like people who are similar to us, who pay us compliments, and who cooperate with us.  (Cialdini, 2012) 

That's where Dale Carnegie's advice kicks in.  It all starts with showing an interest in the other person and asking questions.  Once you do, you can find common ground and begin establishing a rapport.

One tip from me - hard core task people tend not to care about similarities or flattery, but they do care a great deal about cooperation since it will help them to achieve their goals.  So the next time you are trying to persuade, connect first, possibly by cooperating on a task and then see how you do. 

Good luck!

Carnegie, D.  (1936) How to Win Friends and Influence People. Retrieved February 22, 2018, from

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/p/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people-dale-carnegie/1100370318/2689493151239?st=PLA&sid=BNB_DRS_New+Marketplace+Shopping+Textbooks_00000000&2sid=Google_&sourceId=PLGoP164984&gclid=Cj0KCQiAzrTUBRCnARIsAL0mqcwjVA77Xd7Ox0flsjG46wPVPvUtpKqs56PztC-rHsGKqtOwM7E1aDkaAtgEEALw_wcB

Lehrer, P. (2018) Prof. Lehrer's Blog.  Retrieved February 22, 2018, from

http://pjlehrer.blogspot.com/2018/01/if-you-tell-lie-often-enough-people.html

http://pjlehrer.blogspot.com/2018/01/if-you-want-people-to-believe-you-you.html

http://pjlehrer.blogspot.com/2018/01/how-do-you-change-perception-fear.html

The Myers & Briggs Foundation. (2001) How frequent is my type?  Retrieved February 21, from

http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/my-mbti-results/how-frequent-is-my-type.htm?bhcp=1

Cialdini, R. (2012, November 26) The Science of Persuasion.  youtube.com.  retrieved February 22, 2018, from  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFdCzN7RYbw